An excerpt from a saved sinner

                                             An Excerpt from a saved sinner

I am relentless, full of hope x10, I picture myself as a Princess, that helps restore the hope of the people, so they can fall in love with God, My passion is a consuming fire, tearing at all that I am. I am called by God to do it, community driven, I desire to be a messenger to the people (That God is here, He is love and He is the one truth). But I am completely unqualified for this calling. I am BROKEN, internally shattered into a million pieces, facing betrayal, failure and emotional demolition. I am fragile, unstable, and consumed with sorrow. I am broken hearted and bound to my sin. I refuse to be free because my chains are all that I can imagine for myself. FREEDOM would inflict the removal of my addiction in which I cling to. thus to get to freedom withdrawal must occur. something in me must die, My life as I know it will be at the discretion of God's vision and reconstruction, for the better I assume, because its God's doing, but it is so OUT OF MY CONTROL and thats completely uncomfortable for me. I admit that refraining from temptation may appear much more painful than the temptation itself ( because sin allures the sinner). But God has called me out (and His vision and purpose for me is much bigger than I could ever have for myself) I hear him calling. I feel Him tugging, I feel the weight that compels me to his bosom.Who am I to reject God's vision for me? How SELFISH of me to close myself up, so that God can't use me, just to be consumed and controlled by my toxic addictions that will consistently leave me in ruins. To betray and neglect God the creator, for his creations. What a fool I have been and yet He calls me daughter. We that are called to Christ are not called because we deserve it or are fully capable and qualified, (because we are not, we are sinners underservng of the grace of God, we fall, we doubt, and we forget God,)We are called because GOD IS deserving, worthy, and supernatural.  But w,hen Christ uses us to give God glory we are living out the purpose in which we were made for. I should want nothing more than to live for Christ for the rest of my days. Because that is what I was created to do. A saved sinner is simply aware of His sinful condition and knows that his total dependence is on Christ his Lord and is compelled by the new heart God has given him to live out his one true purpose; To glorfiy Christ forever in all ways, in life and death. Selah