God must hold more weight (glory)

God must hold more weight (glory) than my own life. My substitutions could never amount to the glory of God. My trials consume me to the point where God is no longer King of my heart, My sin seduces me, My longing compels me to betray the God of truth, for the small weightless substitutes that never seem to satisfy. Even as a christian, a believer in Christ, even in knowing that my whole life's purpose is to glorify him with a life that worships and thanks Him, I still have unbelief. Not in the sense that I intentionally state I don't believe Christ. I believe all the works of Christ to be true and are what my life depends on. But there is a disconnect between belief and lifestyle. My sinful nature is consistently fighting my spirit man, at least every 5 minutes. Sin is doubting that God should abide in me. Its the small things that are big things to God. We think they don't matter, but that is where God sees that we don't truly trust Him.To truly follow Christ means to know and admit there are areas of my life that are hidden from him. It means that in every aspect of my life, God and I must wrestle, and He must win in every corner and crevice of my life.

To follow Christ is not to say now I am perfect ( though we are made righteous by the covering of Christ). It is to know and receive that Christ is perfect, and was perfect on my behalf. And now out of the duty of love, I let God change my life completely. Which means no longer am I in control. No longer do I only discuss with myself before making a decision. I turn to Christ for my every move. My life no longer is about succeeding and reaching my goals (though that is great). It is now about God's agenda, giving Him glory with my life, and reaching His people for His purpose. As I am saved by Christ, I take on his last name so to speak. I trade my sin for his righteousness, We are made one. But the flesh is still present, fighting everyday to divide my marriage with Christ.  Knowing what sin cost (my joy and my life) how can it still allure me? Because there must be areas of my life where God doesn't abide. When left to myself, I commit adultery (disrespecting God to please myself). The areas of my life where darkness remains are what keep God abstract, allowing my sinful nature to abuse my spirit man. But If I choose Christ, I must choose Him in this; love, family, friends, music, clothes, hobbies, work, school, intellectual thought, emotions, relationship, my mind, body and soul. I must stop agreeing with God only where it is convenient for me. I will not have an affair on God, He is faithful to me, He is my name, He is my God, He is my Master (pun intended as well). What ever situations and circumstances swarm my life like a million bees, may I never be moved from behind The Rock which is Christ.

It is okay to admit that you struggle to follow Christ in some parts of your life. But Admit it! Acknowledge, take some time with it. Question yourself, why is this thing of value to me? Do I know that this (if it is not Christ himself) will not solve all my problems inward and outward, it will not satisfy the ultimate longing of my soul? Am I truly genuinely happy with this arena of my life or am I just comfortable or just feel trapped? Our life struggles seem so large to us. But when put in perspective they would not consume us so much, We must admit that God is all we need. God is the sustaining ultimate satisfaction. He must hold more weight than anything you have or will ever experience. Because His love is out of this world.

An excerpt from a saved sinner

                                             An Excerpt from a saved sinner

I am relentless, full of hope x10, I picture myself as a Princess, that helps restore the hope of the people, so they can fall in love with God, My passion is a consuming fire, tearing at all that I am. I am called by God to do it, community driven, I desire to be a messenger to the people (That God is here, He is love and He is the one truth). But I am completely unqualified for this calling. I am BROKEN, internally shattered into a million pieces, facing betrayal, failure and emotional demolition. I am fragile, unstable, and consumed with sorrow. I am broken hearted and bound to my sin. I refuse to be free because my chains are all that I can imagine for myself. FREEDOM would inflict the removal of my addiction in which I cling to. thus to get to freedom withdrawal must occur. something in me must die, My life as I know it will be at the discretion of God's vision and reconstruction, for the better I assume, because its God's doing, but it is so OUT OF MY CONTROL and thats completely uncomfortable for me. I admit that refraining from temptation may appear much more painful than the temptation itself ( because sin allures the sinner). But God has called me out (and His vision and purpose for me is much bigger than I could ever have for myself) I hear him calling. I feel Him tugging, I feel the weight that compels me to his bosom.Who am I to reject God's vision for me? How SELFISH of me to close myself up, so that God can't use me, just to be consumed and controlled by my toxic addictions that will consistently leave me in ruins. To betray and neglect God the creator, for his creations. What a fool I have been and yet He calls me daughter. We that are called to Christ are not called because we deserve it or are fully capable and qualified, (because we are not, we are sinners underservng of the grace of God, we fall, we doubt, and we forget God,)We are called because GOD IS deserving, worthy, and supernatural.  But w,hen Christ uses us to give God glory we are living out the purpose in which we were made for. I should want nothing more than to live for Christ for the rest of my days. Because that is what I was created to do. A saved sinner is simply aware of His sinful condition and knows that his total dependence is on Christ his Lord and is compelled by the new heart God has given him to live out his one true purpose; To glorfiy Christ forever in all ways, in life and death. Selah